ILLUSION
Reminiscing the days I played in the water as a child, beaming with innocence and naivety towards the harshness of reality, I revelled in the water’s cool touch. I watched excitedly as my skin would wrinkle; my fingertips shrivelled like prunes. I would cup some water into my palms, confused at the change in colour - from blue to almost transparent. What sorcery is this?
There would be a slight yet clear reflection of me in this small pond I had created – a reflection of euphoria. Slowly, the water would drip through the cracks of my hands and I would hurriedly scoop more into my palm, chasing this reflection in elation.
Now, I feel the water enclosing around me, no longer magical and no longer a sanctuary. I see my reflection in its rippled surface, distorted. There is truth in this perverted image of mine. A jumble of thoughts drown me in despair. The multitude of voices overlap, screeching and pointing at my flaws, my failures to define who I am and my happiness. These very flaws cast a reflection so unrecognisable in its form.
Filled with self-loathing, it stares back at me sneering at the disproportions, never to be part of an idyllic beauty. Devoid of a ‘golden ratio’, the lines of my face are just a blur – ugly and distorted. My body remains hidden under the layers of fabric, its existence entombed away from prying eyes of judgement.
Empty words. How do you love something that was never yours to begin with? My body belongs to the eyes of the beholder, and their eyes are absent of any appreciation. Convinced by the fact that the world outside can’t provide me with the validation I seek, I shall attempt to find it on my own.
I shall be free.
Reminiscing the days I played in the water as a child, beaming with innocence and naivety towards the harshness of reality, I revelled in the water’s cool touch. I watched excitedly as my skin would wrinkle; my fingertips shrivelled like prunes. I would cup some water into my palms, confused at the change in colour - from blue to almost transparent. What sorcery is this?
Blissfully
magical.
There would be a slight yet clear reflection of me in this small pond I had created – a reflection of euphoria. Slowly, the water would drip through the cracks of my hands and I would hurriedly scoop more into my palm, chasing this reflection in elation.
Now, I feel the water enclosing around me, no longer magical and no longer a sanctuary. I see my reflection in its rippled surface, distorted. There is truth in this perverted image of mine. A jumble of thoughts drown me in despair. The multitude of voices overlap, screeching and pointing at my flaws, my failures to define who I am and my happiness. These very flaws cast a reflection so unrecognisable in its form.
Filled with self-loathing, it stares back at me sneering at the disproportions, never to be part of an idyllic beauty. Devoid of a ‘golden ratio’, the lines of my face are just a blur – ugly and distorted. My body remains hidden under the layers of fabric, its existence entombed away from prying eyes of judgement.
“Learn to love yourself and everything will
be alright”.
Empty words. How do you love something that was never yours to begin with? My body belongs to the eyes of the beholder, and their eyes are absent of any appreciation. Convinced by the fact that the world outside can’t provide me with the validation I seek, I shall attempt to find it on my own.
I shall be free.
Measurements and proportions
are just numbers, not the yardstick
used to define myself or my worth.
Art Directors: Kevin Tew & Yeo Tian Poh
Model: Wiley Wong (@dingweiwan9)
Photographer: Dominikus Devon Khusuma
Stylist: Erika Arabella
HMUA: Teo Jia Xuan & Sindhu D/O Manokaran
Set Designers: Denise Chong, Siti Mariam, Danessa Tong
Videography: Ethan Lai
Words: Vrinda Maheshwari
